It is almost time for the most unique meal of the year. People will spend days cooking and stressing over the large meal they must cook for all their guests, all to be a little disappointed that everything is consumed in approximately 30 minutes and the next few days will be filled with boring leftovers.
As if chopping vegetables for days in advance and cleaning the house from top to bottom does not contribute enough stress for Thanksgiving hosts, many find themselves working on a decorating plan for the table. There is almost an expectation of a magazine shoot-worthy table with pumpkins filled with fresh flowers and lit candles.
All this concern about spending as much time decorating the table as cooking the meal is curious. I understand the desire for a beautiful table. I know the expectation that is there for the decorated table. However, a part of me thinks we should let it go, at least some of the time. Let me paint a picture of what Thanksgiving was like for me growing up in a rather large family on my mother’s side. I would arrive at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and find Grandpa so I could hug him. I would add my coat to the pile of coats in the main bedroom. The men would gather in the living room, and the women would gather in other rooms. Everyone would grab a plate, go through the impressive buffet line that was a mix of Grandma’s cooking and items brought by each family, and load up their plates. Uncle so-and-so was his usual uncle-so-and-so self. Certain aunts brought their famous dishes, everyone enjoyed their food, and no one ever thought how great everything could have been if only elaborate decorations were around.
Fast forward through the years, being at my mother’s house for Thanksgiving with extended family seemed the same. Multiple tables were set up wherever they could fit, guests were squeezing past chairs on the way to the restroom, conversations were not inhibited by lack of decorations, and tables were already crammed full of plates and drinks without additional décor items. There were no decorations, no sadness about the lack of decorations, and no problems were to be found.
I have a weak sense that the desire for table decorations comes from tradition. It feels more of an expectation that we have levied on top of hosts in addition to the burdens they very nicely take on to feed us. It may have to do with extended family members living further apart now and families having smaller family meals with just immediate family members. Perhaps dinner tables and holiday meals have become smaller, and with this transition, there has been a movement toward smaller, more decorated holiday tables. Table decorations for holiday meals are not bad, but they are unnecessary if it takes some pressure off you. If this year is already challenging enough, if you are tired, or frankly if decorations are not something you are passionate about, I permit you to have an old-fashioned family dinner with coats piled on a bed, good food, and no decorations.
Guests will remember the excellent conversation, how good the gravy tasted, how thankful they were that they did not have to cook the entire meal, and that one crazy story someone told. They will remember how you made them feel welcome and opened your home. These are things money cannot buy, and decorations cannot provide. It is a unique hosting skill you possess. You can have decorations if you want, but they are bonus items. You already have everything else you need, so use them or not each year, depending on your situation.
You are enough. The food is enough. Maybe next year, I will talk about fabulous centerpieces, but in this phase of life, I hope to get all the food cooked, and to the kitchen island so we can pile food on our plates from various microwavable containers. It will not be a pretty display, but it will be fantastic because I will have a turkey leg, my husband will enjoy my stuffing, we will take a moment to remember how we are blessed, and we will enjoy the day together. We are not even eating at a table. We are eating at the kitchen island.
I know it will be a great Thanksgiving without a decorated table, but that is just my view.
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